"I wish I was a monkey."
What do you say to a little boy who's fondest wish is to become a simian. I believe you should celebrate those moments and then lovingly mock him for the next decade. My Slappy turned thirteen today and I had to pause and reflect on what he has been and what it has meant to me. These pictures are thirteen years of me marvelling at the creation of a life. He's playing Stevie Ray Vaughan in the next room on his guitar and he almost has the phrasing down perfectly. I still remember him puking on every shirt I owned, and ultimately, puking in his grandmother's mouth after we told her not to bounce him after he'd just eaten. Sometimes, an "I told you so" is glaringly weak compared to the perfection of the moment.

I remember clearly his first profanity. Children are parrots when they're toddlers, and almost every parent has that story of their child repeating the least appropriate utterance that they've heard, but this was a gem for the ages. It was a time of me being forced to construct my own furniture from the evil empire known as IKEA and those were Saturdays filled with bleeding digits and mild profanities.

Christian was three and strapped into his car seat like he was about to take off on a moon launch. Apparently, the Burger King toy was of inferior design and as he sat there holding his broken happiness, we heard "son of a bitch" in a tiny voice from the back seat. Waves of fearfulness, awe, and speaking only for my own dementia, pride, nauseatingly swept over me again and again. A three-year-old using profanity is disconcerting and knowing that you contributed to your own child uttering such a phrase is achingly painful, but I had just witnessed my son as a toddler demonstrate applied learning by communicating his obvious disdain for errant toy manufacturing in the correct contextual use. I knew at that moment, he'd be a bright little crayon in the box of life and he hasn't disappointed me yet.

This moment is yours, Christian, I hope that your life has been as much fun as it has been to witness it. I love you and adore you. Happy birthday.
-Your dad