Do you believe in Gosh?
"The thing that's depressing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fuckin' relentless."-Mitch Hedberg (1968-2005)

Mitch died and I didn't know it. It made me sad, because he was probably the most original comic that I'd seen in a decade. His material was like the diary of a madman and his delivery, that of a poetic stoner. Mitch was a free spirit, a genius, and unforunately, an addict. Why do those three adjectives always seem to go hand-in-hand? You never hear of a sensible genius who blesses us with his presence and lives a good, long life. The part I hate most of all is that he died in March and I didn't discover it until this month's issue of Entertainment Weekly. I wanted to share some of his genius with you in the hopes that you celebrate the memory of his originality with me. Please don't read the quotes below as just mere jokes or you may miss the fact that there is a man who is questioning his existence in a very surreal manner. These are read almost as extended spirtual musings or a raunchy haiku, and that's what makes Mitch so amazing to me: he was more co-dependent Walt Whitman than thoughtful Jerry Seinfeld.

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure he did not start to load shit into a truck.

My apartment is infested by koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter. And I don't want 'em to. I'm like, Hey! Hold on, fellas. Let me hold one of you. And feed you a leaf.

Alcoholism is a disease. But it's, like, the only disease you can get yelled at for havin'. Dammit Otto, you're an alcoholic! Dammit Otto, you have LUPUS!

I haven't slept in ten days. Because that would be too long.

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.