"Oh Magoo, you've done it again!"
I deliver a policy to Mrs. Snooty McBiggoten. I came out originally to sell the policy. She didn't buy from me that day but did buy from my boss on a later date. She had a friend at the house with her at that time and I got the distinct impression they were not only doubtful of my legitimacy, but frightened and somewhat disdainful of my presence in her home. I was about as professional and caucasion as Ted Koppel. I have since shaved my hair off to an eighth of an inch and no one I've delivered policies even recognizes me from earlier visits.
Me: Hi Mrs.Snooty. I dropped by to deliver your policy.
Snooty: Oh hello. I thought Johnny was going to be delivering the policy.
Me: No, I'm sorry, but he was detained today, so he sent me out.
Snooty: Oh I really liked Johnny and Bob. They were just so friendly [white] and polite [safe].
Me: They are. They're great guys.
Snooty: [clutching at her neck] Yes the first gentlemen that came out from your company was very tall [scary], had head full of dark hair [foreigner] and a funny accent [TERRORIST]!
My first thought: "I have a funny accent?!?" My second thought: "I've become Mr. Magoo just by cutting my hair? Now I'm short and bald?" Well I am sort of bald. I'll give her that. Bitch.
I deliver a policy to Mrs. Snooty McBiggoten. I came out originally to sell the policy. She didn't buy from me that day but did buy from my boss on a later date. She had a friend at the house with her at that time and I got the distinct impression they were not only doubtful of my legitimacy, but frightened and somewhat disdainful of my presence in her home. I was about as professional and caucasion as Ted Koppel. I have since shaved my hair off to an eighth of an inch and no one I've delivered policies even recognizes me from earlier visits.Me: Hi Mrs.Snooty. I dropped by to deliver your policy.
Snooty: Oh hello. I thought Johnny was going to be delivering the policy.
Me: No, I'm sorry, but he was detained today, so he sent me out.
Snooty: Oh I really liked Johnny and Bob. They were just so friendly [white] and polite [safe].
Me: They are. They're great guys.
Snooty: [clutching at her neck] Yes the first gentlemen that came out from your company was very tall [scary], had head full of dark hair [foreigner] and a funny accent [TERRORIST]!
My first thought: "I have a funny accent?!?" My second thought: "I've become Mr. Magoo just by cutting my hair? Now I'm short and bald?" Well I am sort of bald. I'll give her that. Bitch.
posted by Shawn Passwaters at
7:23 PM
4 Comments:
You do have a funny accent. I'll give you that. Texan.
:D
I didn't realize sarcasm came out with an accent!
Every once in a while I check over here to see if you have decided to update and wouldn't you believe it! To the delight of my eyes you have updated you blog! I almost fell off my chair with excitement because there was not only one update, but THREE!
So did you figure out what your accent was? I can't believe how weird people are sometimes. You are not scary at all.....
I was having dinner with Tamara last night, and she casually dropped a bomb on me with, "Didn't you just laugh out loud at Shawn's post?"
What? Shawn who? Wait...THAT Shawn? No Way..I thought the church sign was going to be last thing he ever said to us!
Oh how I delight in your sardonic wit. Welcome back.
And YOU are scary. It's kind of like this:
Wow that Shawn is big and scary. I'd hate to meet him in a long dark hall.
Shawn is a long, dark hall!
No..its not true...you are a teddy bear except to paranoid racists who hear your texacalifessee accent.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home