The Week In Review
9.10.07 Went to see the MSI show last night. That's Mindless Self Indulgence for you of the geriatric set. I'd compare them to Devo meets The Marx Brothers on a really bad weekend of crack, cough syrup, and methamphetamine. All in all, they're surprisingly entertaining with really catchy hooks. They look like they'd be sticky if you touched one of them, but I don't plan on doing that anytime soon. I did appreciate when the lead "singer" dressed up in a McDonald's french fry poncho and wrapped up the song with "I'm Lovin' It", then later donned a cute little set of pink fairy wings. It all worked into his act, but shared out of context, does seem odd.

The most laughable moment of the evening was one of the opening acts. The MESH zippered hoodie, heavy eyeliner, and keyboards should have screamed "AMBIGUOUSLY GAY, POORLY CHOREOGRAPHED PERFORMANCE AHEAD." Yet, I stayed. I love a good train wreck as much as the next guy. There was a baring of the shaved chest, profuse sweating, and phrases like, "This next song is about fucking". All I can say is it must have been a horrible fuck, because I couldn't understand a single word he said. Poor little fella. There was also a moment in the show when he threw his My First Casio Keyboard/voice modulator to the floor in an act of great passion and proceeded to dry hump the drum stand. One of my entourage astutely observed, "Hey buddy, you're playing a show at Rockettown, which means you probably aren't making the kind of money it takes to replace a $600 piece of equipment." If I had been drinking milk, it would have so been coming through my nose.

9.11.07 I'm sitting outside of a Starbucks trying to pirate their internet unsuccessfully and one of Life's Truths unfolds silently under glass before me: babies have the innate power to turn aging single women into total morons. She seems intelligent in conversation, even thoughtful by her expressions, but a baby has been introduced by an acquaintance. She leaps from her chair and becomes some sort of caffeinated clown willing to debase herself for the amusement of a creature who can't even control it's own bowel movements. He doesn't appreciate her happy-pouty face with extended arms shtick and doesn't give a crap that she is crushed every time he rebuffs her frighteningly over exaggerated peek-a-boos. He turns to look at her, judges her soul, and dismisses her in a glance. She dies just a little in her eyes, yet she won't acquiesce defeat. She must vindicate her entire existence. I wait for the juggling chainsaw routine and plate twirling portion of her act.

The plates never emerge, but she ramps herself to another emotional level and her gestures become so violent and caricatured that her arms and legs threaten to tear loose from her body. The mother graciously relinquishes the child and I understand immediately why she was willing to sacrifice her first-born. The harpy emerges from her glass cocoon with the child in her arms and begins caterwauling at the world. She is screeching, "car" and "bird" into this small child's face like some sort of Sesame Street drill instructor. The child does its best to mimic her cries and I cringe and roll up my window, yet the shrill cacophony continues to punch my brain until she returns inside. Shaken, I look into the rearview mirror and realize that I also have died a little inside from the experience.

9.12.07 I stand in front of the beverage section at a convenience store. All I want is a Diet Pepsi with Wild Cherry, but this particular BP doesn't carry that drink. I slide over a couple of doors and I'm staring at beer. My mouth begins to water slightly and I can't move. This happens occasionally and I feel as if I've been downloaded with subliminal advertising. I've never had this reaction to beer in my entire life. I suddenly picture myself sitting in my car, listening to talk radio and drinking all day. In my head, it feels completely normal that this could be a pastime. And I wonder if anyone else is getting this signal when they pass by beer nowadays. It's almost like a radio transmission but it only happens when I'm in BP convenience stores. They have such cute little commercials with over-simplified Japanese anime characters and they're always talking about how much time and money they are contributing towards alternative fuel sources and their commercials fill me with little nuggets of hope. Are they also filling me with a mouth-watering insatiability for cold beer?