The burning question
How are pirates made? The contacts were in the solution for four weeks, or was it two months? I just didn't want to have to wear the 3-D glasses over my eyeglasses. I ignored the milky run-off from the lens as I washed it.

"That can't be healthy," my brain said.
"Shut up brain, keep washing. We're in a hurry!" I said.
"Got a joke for you."
"Leave me alone, we're working."
"What does a pirate say?"
"Shut up brain." The contact touched my eye: "ARRRRRR."
"Exactly, dumbass."

My eye's still red and it still hurts to blink, but the build-up of eye goo has lessened.