Umm, not quite?
Xian: Wow, that sign was so long, I couldn't even read it all.
Me: What'd it say?
Xian: I don't know, it was too long.
Me: Well, what was the general theme?
Xian: Something about God wanting to be proud of us?
Me: Ah. I don't remember that one.

491 Means Somebody's Gettin' An Asswhooping
I keep seeing the long columns of buggies in the news everywhere and despite this unbelievable tragedy, all I can hear are the opening strands of "Weird Al" Yankovik's, Amish Paradise.

The two religious leaders, a rabbi and a female Presbyterian pastor, are explaining forgiveness to a doltish Matt Lauer. They speak to him as if he's a small child; a small retarded child. Matt doesn't seem to mind and considering the plausibility with which Matt is approaching this line of questioning, I can see why they're speaking to him this way. Matt must know, "Can anyone forgive, or is it only for the religious?" Right there! Right at that very moment, the rabbi and the pastor look at one another like they're sharing some sort of inside joke and both of them look at Matt, once again like the 'tard that Matt is, and shake their head slowly and smile, "Nooo, forgiveness is for anyone. It is in our human nature to want to forgive. It is a part of our make-up as God's creations."

I can't hear the rest of the interview because my laughter is drowning out their words. "It is in our human nature to want to forgive". Three days later and that is still the dumbest thing I've heard this week. Matt even gave them an "out". He asked the Dogmatic Duo if a person needed a relationship with God to allow them to forgive with the rapidity and humility of the Amish. "No Matt, it is something you practice." I guess like deep breathing or lunges.

My mom once managed a children's daycare and as a part of that job, we lived at the facility. I've been around far too many children for one lifetime. In the year that we lived there, I never saw a single child, who understood he had been wronged, ever say, "I must forgive him. He stole my toy and I must forgive him that fault." I have seen them, on various occassions, scream bloody murder and bludgeon their assailant with either Lincoln Logs, a Lil' Push Popper, or a tricycle.

Human nature wants justice. We want vindication. We want blood. But never do we naturally want to forgive our persecutor, even with a mantra and three square meals of your vegetarian choice. It's ludicrous to assume that we want something as foreign as forgiveness without a relationship in Christ. I think that's why Jesus was so unusual when he told his disciples to forgive. "How many times must we forgive (before we can beat the shit out of someone that pisses us off), Teacher? Seven times?" And then Jesus sighs in exasperation, "Seven times (you dumbasses really don't listen when I talk do you)? You must forgive your brother seventy times seven!" And the disciples said, "Shit. I left my abacus in my other robe, anybody? Judas?" Judas just slaps his forehead with the heel of his hand and mumbles, "490."